Obviously we computers and writing people talk a lot about all kinds of interesting technology that may have serious implications for our pedagogy. Still, while most of us feel comfortable describing ourselves as teachers interested in technology--theoretically, practically, critically, socially, and politically--I am somewhat disappointed when, over and over again, I learn that what most computers & writing people mean by the word "technology" is, whether intentional or not, strictly limited to a computer (or the internet).

What's with all the hubbub about computers? What about other technology that, whether directly or not, shapes the writing and critical processes of our students? Why are there no analyses of "digital wristwatches and writing?" Or "cell phones and writing?" Where are the dissertations examing the interstices of composition and vibrating pens that light up, or the scholarly monographs revealing new understandings of how Etch-a-Sketch and Lite Brite have changed literacy forever?

These topics may seem far fetched, but I again must assume a critical position towards the "computer domination" of compositionists concerned about how technology is shaping writing and thought processes. Perhaps most disturbing of all is the utter neglect of AFDBs, whose implications for the future of critical thinking and discourse is surely more formidable and worthy of critical attention than the latest online writing space.

AFDBs, or Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanies, are perhaps the soundest and simplest technology available to preserve our mental privacy. As described by the website referenced above, An Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB) is a type of headwear that can shield your brain from most electromagnetic psychotronic mind control carriers. AFDBs are inexpensive (even free if you don't mind scrounging for thrown-out aluminium foil) and can be constructed by anyone with at least the dexterity of a chimp (maybe bonobo). This cheap and unobtrusive form of mind control protection offers real security to the masses. Not only do they protect against incoming signals, but they also block most forms of brain scanning and mind reading, keeping the secrets in your head truly secret. AFDBs are safe and operate automatically. All you do is make it and wear it and you're good to go! Plus, AFDBs are stylish and comfortable.

I've made it a requirement for all of my students to make and wear their AFDBs in my class (though I highly encourage them to wear it outside the class, that is, where they may need their critical thinking skills the most. Obviously, some students are resistant; the ones who are most resistant, of course, are the very ones who would benefit most from wearing one. Their minds are clearly deeply influenced by subversive psychic signals sent from secret media stations all over this country. Some of my students even say (out loud!) that they are Republican and intend to vote for Bush in the next election, and others insist that Budweiser Beer tastes great. One even told me that my long hair should be cut. As a critical pedagogist, I consider it my responsibility to try to help these poor souls learn some critical thinking skills--and that is only possible, of course, if they can (at least temporarily) block the mind-numbing signals that have penetrated their subconscious to its core.