In imitation of some dude I saw on a YouTube of an SNL skit, I have decided to take the headlines from Google News and offer my own commentary.
San Francisco Shortens Torch Relay
Mr. San Francisco just doesn't get the Olympics. I mean, first shorten the torch relay, next do away with the human sacrifice. Where's a laurel wreath? Isn't this just a case of the monk wagging Zedong?
General challenged to justify Iraq deployment
I thought you elected a general to, like, kill and blow up stuff, not justify a deployment. Oh, wait, I guess you don't elect a general. Oh, okay, that makes sense, then. Here's my advice, General--tell them you meant to invade North Korea and got turned around somehow.
San Jose passengers deal with American Airlines cancellations
You know, you just have to deal with it. Deal, people. Just deal. Deal with it for like four friggin' hours before you'd had your coffee, breakfast, or gone to the bathroom because you woke up late and rushed to the airport to get their two hours early 'cuz they're so stupid. Oh, and the plane will sit on the runway for four hours because somebody stole the smoke detector in the bathroom. OH, wait, it's a tiny plane with no bathroom. That's more serious--I mean, who stole the friggin' bathroom? That's gonna take at least another hour to get the "Bathroom Stolen" LED repaired...Deal.
Dems Assail McCain on Iraq, Economy
Yeah, right. Do you even know what "assail" means? Yeah, you just wanted to put the letters "ass" and "ail" as close as possible to McCain. Hell, I bet his ass does ail, what with Iraq's economy. I mean, you thought Wal-Mart destroyed the economy in your town. Imagine if you had a Super Haliburton where the mosque used to be?
Okay, now back to..uhghghggh
Olympic Torch Emits 5,500 Tons of CO2
Olympic Torch Emits 5,500 Tons of CO2
This is reason enough to stop it.
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Charlie | cyberdash
one more thing
"matt does silly stuff"
please add that to your knews bio ;)
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Charlie | cyberdash
Candidates volunteer to grade Matt's papers
Fer shure. That just flashed across my gmail ticker. I missed the URL, but if you call Obama, McCain, and Clinton campaign headquarters, I'm sure they'll give you the FedEx number so you can ship those papers right off to the candidates. They spend a lot of time riding around the country in various conveyances (not American Airlines MD-80s), and said they really look forward to helping Matt out.
Candidates grading papers
Oh, geez. They'd just give them all A+'s and say that they're so intelligement that they deserve everything the other party has been denying them because they're so jealous of their special talents. I tried to pass them off to Chelsea, but she just said that out of all the universities she's been to, no one had dared try that before and they all applauded her. I'm like, "So that's a no?"
Unfortunately, all the papers got burned up by the Olympic Torch, so I don't know what to do. That's what I get for trying to save the environment.
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Check out Barton's gaming blog at Armchair Arcade.
Job Candidates?
Do you have any job candidates coming to campus? You could hand them a stack of papers and tell them it's part of the campus interview process. Lock them in a room, give them a coffee, and tell them you'll be back in few hours.
paper grading
Scott, you're the man. You are brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant. Brutalliant, even.
But I'll be damned. So THAT'S why I had to grade a stack of freshman essays to get this job. That's fine, but I'm more upset that they didn't give me the coffee. :(
I saw a lady on the plane drinking rum and cokes and grading papers, big red pen and all. Not that I would ever condone chemically-influenced evaluative procedures. Or red ink. Or Red Bull and Bacardi 151. Or anything. Okay, time to watch the Fourth Doctor.
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Check out Barton's gaming blog at Armchair Arcade.
candidates grading papers
a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I applied for an adjunct position and as part of the process was given a sample essay to grade.
I find your lack of a rubric disturbing.
Dennis G. Jerz
Jerz's Literacy Weblog
lack of comment disturbing
You mean "Dennis G. Jerz" isn't a rubric, or is that a rubric you're offering us? If not, would that make the message empty? I'm disturbed. But not as disturbed as Matt, that much is clear.
bradley || bleckblog.org