I'm madder than Galileo in a geocentric solar system over this nonsense about Pluto being discriminated against just on account of its small stature.

Let's get one thing straight. The only reason why a pack of raving former commies in Prague are dissin' Pluto is that it was discovered by a good ol' American, and that makes'm as jealous as Karl Marx at a Wal-Mart executive meeting. I say, we've got to step up and defend Pluto's planetary rights. Because if we don't, then we might as well declare Rhode Island a county and Washington D.C. as a suburb. What next? Maybe America will return to colony status, since we didn't clean up the goldarn neighborhood around us (to wit, Canada, Mexico).

Now you might not realize that it was Clyde Tombaugh, a resident of the Midwest, who discovered Pluto--not some trumped up European with more culture than kudzu. No, it wasn't some half-drunk Italian that discovered ol' Blue. That discovery was all Clyde's. Now Clyde was a hero in his own right, what with gallopin' right along with Teddy Roosevelt's rough riders right smack into Rommell's (the Desert Fox's) tank units, smashin' a decisive blow against the Nazis. At least, that WAS according to Wikipedia, until some depraved Wikipedia vandal decided to change it back again. Catch it on Hiltervision.

Well, I tell you what. You could affix a turbine to ol' Clyde's casket and generate enough electricity to power the Midwest--cause he's spinning faster than the doctors there in Prague. Not a single one of their criteria makes a lick of sense except the one they didn't include--"discovered by an American."

Folks, I tell you, there's more at stake here than making life easier for fifth graders struggling with a star chart. It's America itself on the line, and if we don't do something about it, everyone here under five millimeters tall won't even be considered human anymore.

And I'm not even going to get into what God Almighty would think of this, what with that verse in Revelations about the "nine orbs becometh eight," and the er, "devestation that would ensue upon the head of the stargazers" and something about locusts and rivers run red with blood. Or was it kool-aid? Damnation!.

Anyway, who's with me?? Sound out your support!